The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
