I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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