Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
