My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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