he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
