The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
