Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
