stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
