I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
