everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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