im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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