i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
