I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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