I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
