I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
