The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
