I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
