In the future we'll all be gay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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