suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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