i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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