so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
