You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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