so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
