My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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