He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
