they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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