Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
