Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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