you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
