the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
