Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
