you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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