Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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