holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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