come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
