I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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