You smell like stripper and shame
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
