How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
