If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
