im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
