That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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