This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
