This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
