So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
