Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
