I think my fart just growled at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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