I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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