I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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