I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
