My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
