Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
