Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
