Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
