I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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