You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
